Gen Z social survival guide: How to communicate with the newest generation
Before we begin with this guide, it is appropriate that I introduce myself. My name is Ben and I was born in the year 1996. I’m what you would call a “Zillennial”, a cross between a millennial and Gen Z. We’re old enough to have used dial up, but don’t remember 9/11. I think that paints a pretty accurate picture.
We’re the generation that has no identity. We had to learn the rules as they were changing. We grew up on landlines, and by the time we graduated high school, smartphones had just been invented. If you had a cell phone when I was a teenager, it was meant to be turned off and put away in your locker, to be accessed for emergencies only. We would be scolded by a hall monitor if we had our flip phones out in the hallway. The internet was for watching the “annoying orange”. The only photos you were taking were on a disposable film camera. There is a huge generational divide. We had to learn a new way of communicating from scratch and throw out all of the advice our parents taught us. It was a brave new world that would now define the new decade.
When I was growing up in school in the 90s and early 2000s, the social skills we were taught were as followed. If you want to make friends, reach out your hand and “give them a handshake”. Find a “social club” or “volunteer”, and “get yourself out there”. This was all plenty useful in the decades that existed before us, but it completely ignored the coming trend of having an online presence. Today we observe the newest generation of upcoming adults. Let’s call them generation zebra. They grew up using smart phones, and by the time they were ten they already had a Facebook and Tik Tok. By their early teenage years, they would have already mastered the art of online presence and social media. Observing this generation is really a good example of the importance of public relations and mastering the art of selling yourself. Gen Z perhaps knows how to do that in the modern world, better than anyone else. They come out of the womb already with an understanding.
Going back to college later in life close to my 30s, I noticed a major difference in the way the youth are communicating today. Something I can almost not relate to, but I better learn if I am to stay on top of the ball. I almost felt like someone needed to make a modern version of the mid century “proper etiquette” educational videos for modern times.
How Gen Z meets new people and make new friends
This is a biggie for me and I failed to understand this for the longest time. I feel like many of us over 30, are still stuck in 1950s mindset when it comes to social interaction. At one point in history, the way you met new people was to cold approach them in public. To go to bars, coffee shops, and malt shops and straight up walk up to tables and start talking to people. The older generation didn’t have their “heads in their cellphones”. You greeted someone with a firm handshake. In fact we’re not even talking that old. Growing up as a teenager, the only time we had our heads down was when we were playing with our Gameboys. I frequently started sounding like a Boomer, criticizing these youngsters for not looking up at people they are talking with. If you wanted long distance conversation, you would write your friends and families letters, or god forbid even ring them up and talk to them over the phone (long before caller id).
One of the top question on Reddit posts, “Why are most people on meetup.com so old”?. If you go on Meetup, you will realize that the majority of its user base is above 50 age range. Those under 30 today simply don’t want to be meeting up for Tupperware parties or for a fun game of cards at Nemo’s Pizza (Everybody Love’s Raymond reference). They meet up in an entirely different way. I’m here to tell you that the old fashioned handshake may be becoming a thing of the past.
Well… It turns out there is a very real reason the newest generation has their heads in their phones, and it’s not an anti-social maneuver. Social interaction has in the literal sense moved into phone applications. One of the most important social medias to master that is widely used by 20 year olds today, is Instagram. When I went back to college in my late 20s, I was confronted with 18–23 year olds asking me for my Instagram. I didn’t even have one or know how to use one, and I didn’t think that was a big deal. I kept wondering why they wanted to know? I told them “I have a Facebook”, and their response was “who uses Facebook anymore?”. I quickly found it hard making new friends, and couldn’t understand how people were forming social circles.
I then finally grudgingly forced myself to make an Instagram, even though I couldn’t understand why complete strangers would want to see private photos of my life. When I was growing up, photos went into a family photo album, got thrown in a dusty and dark closet, only to be pulled out 15 years later for a good laugh. I gave it a shot though, and what I found extremely surprised me.
Instagram is the 21st century malt shop for Gen Z. Like it or not, this is where people hang out and get to know common interests. Instagram is criticized for representing a falsified and selective view of someone’s world, where the user base is obsessed with likes, followers, and selfie obsessed narcissists, right? However, how quickly do we forget that generations before us sent friends and family postcards, to let them know what they were doing on vacation. They would send out Christmas cards to let everyone know how well and successful their families were. All of this has now moved onto the internet.
What it really comes down to is a masterclass in marketing. Your social media presence is not intended to be private. When I was growing up in the early 2000s, I was taught in school that we should not share anything “private” on the internet, nor should we talk to “strangers” we don’t know. The rules have completely changed. Today that is all we do, and maybe that isn’t so much a bad thing. You show the world what you want people to know about you, and not what you don’t want people to know about you. What do you look like? What type of music are you into? What are your hobbies? The filtering and prescreening that once took place in person over a long conversation and many months together, now takes place in an app. You can consider following and liking someone’s Instagram as the first date.
People head into a relationship or friendship, already knowing a lot about the person before you have even spoken. Keeping your accounts locked up and private won’t be helping your case. The entire point is to share with the world who you are. It’s no longer taboo to stalk someone’s social media profile. That’s what they want you to do. That’s the entire point of public Instagram profiles. You are building your brand.
This is also why many Instagram users have more than one account, one they keep public for new friends and encounters, and one they keep private for their family and close friendships. If social media stalking is inevitable, you might as well give them something to look at, and what better way to do that than with a social media platform based solely on photos. That is why as you can imagine my response being “I don’t have an Instagram” is actually a red flag. That’s the equivalent of saying you have nothing to bring to the table. Companies also look for employees and want to know who they are hiring, and part of mastering the art of being a good employee in the future, will be having a valuable online presence.
So I decided I better start making one. I now have 7 followers which is a good start, laughing out loud. It felt so strange at first but finally got used to it. Please follow me as I need all the help I can get. Maybe we can strike up a chat. It’s also recommended that you learn the art of mastering the hashtag. Hashtags are how you meet people who have common interests, and you cannot utilize hashtags without a public profile.
Not everyone uses social media for good reasons, but there’s nothing wrong with using social media to share your life with other people. If you don’t have an Instagram, I seriously recommend learning how to use one. you don’t have to follow Kim Kardashian, but it’s important you build an online presence. That is the most popular social media platform for people under 30 right now.
Similarly, apps like Tik Tok and Snap Chat is how the youth today share what they are doing in the moment. Instead of calling Sally on the phone and telling her what you did today, you now send a 10 second blip to Tik Tok.
I have found if you don’t at least attempt using these social media platforms, you will find yourself alienated. This is where all of the actions is happening in the modern world. Not at the bar but on an app. So the next time you meet someone in public, be sure to exchange Instagrams with them.
The neighborhood has moved onto online groups
This was a big learning experience for me. I could not figure why my new neighbors no longer wanted to speak to me in person. There was once a time in the 50s era when Mr. Green and Mrs. Gray (had to throw a Monkees reference in there) would bring over fresh cookies for new neighbors. Everyone would knock on each other’s doors and ask what’s for dinner? Neighborhood kids would frequently walk into random homes and be fed home cooked meals by their friends' parents for the night.
Flash forward today and the neighborhood suburb may seem like a very quiet and bleak place. No one talks to each other anymore. No one looks up to wave hello across the white fence. No one brings over fresh cookies and cakes. No one throws block parties. You would think that society has just turned into darn near sociopaths, that is until you jump over to social media.
Your vast majority of what used to be your “local community” has moved onto two main platforms, Reddit and Facebook groups. These are where locals have gone to plan events, get to know people in their area, talk with their new neighbors, and just post to debate or complain.
It looks like this… Here is my local community.
“CHELMSFORD NEWS is a group that was begun for residents of Chelmsford, Massachusetts, USA or those who may have once lived here and moved on, those who have family here, those who work here, those who may travel through on their way to work, and those who simply have an interest in the town of Chelmsford. We welcome your posts, thoughts and comments on various subjects as long as it follows our guidelines. While discussions regarding Chelmsford are always welcome, you are free to discuss anything that is of interest to you as long as it follows our guidelines and rules.”
As you can see there are plenty of people communicating in my local area. All of this social interaction used to take place in the physical realm, but society has found it more convenient (especially post pandemic) to move most of the talking that used to take place in person to the online world. If you don’t master this communication, you will be isolated in the city or town you just moved into. A starting post to introduce yourself may look like, ““Hi everyone. I’m moving into town soon and was wondering what there is to do in and around town. Got any suggestions for good food, good tea/coffee, neat historical, natural, and/or cultural areas, board game bars, local events, or anything else?”. It’s really that simple, and it doesn’t take a lot of effort to meet new people.
Another area locals used to gather was their church or town meeting to debate and bring up issues which concerned them. This is not really the case anymore, especially for the younger generations right now. Today town meetings are streamed online for free public access, and church membership has declined rapidly (what was once a great place to meet new people). You’d be surprised how much you can accomplish on social media though.
My community started a protest in our Facebook group to stop a condo development over a public park, and it got the attention of the town manager who is also a member of their group. It ended up being shot down thanks to activism which started in our Facebook group. The town meeting itself accepted calls from Zoom where online users could login and speak.
My town through the Facebook groups and events, also planned on a vigil for George Floyd during that incident involving the three Milwaukee police officers, and thousands of residents ended up showing up. This idea that “no one talks to each other anymore” is simply not true. The people who feel this way have simply not mastered the art of engaging on social media. This is especially concerning, because there is new movement about “deleting Facebook” from your life and that these apps “increase depression”. You can find videos online with scary music attached, warning of the negatives effects these apps have on the youth today. These apps shouldn’t be the only thing in your life, but if you block them out of your life in the 21st century, you are going to seriously isolate and alienate yourself. I tried doing that myself and then I regretted it. Instead, we should be educating the youth on how to get the most of their social media presence and use it as a force for good and in the most appropriate manner.
In terms of housing, Zillennials are even hitting up social media to find new roommates in cities across America, in Facebook Groups. This splits the cost of renting, and it involves marketing yourself like a dating profile. In order to afford housing in recent years, this is an essential skill to master. You have to get more comfortable sharing and exposing yourself in front of a camera. It could mean the difference between living on the streets and being able to afford a shared apartment in the city where jobs are located out of college. Social media in this regard has found a new and unintended purpose. Whoever thought a decade ago that Facebook would be used to buy housing?
I use Facebook and Instagram to connect with my community, and I can honestly say it has improved my life in many great ways. Facebook groups are one of the greatest inventions. I’ve met many people in my area who are into the same hobbies as I am, and it’s one of the few places where I can talk to experts about niche topics and find common hobbies. Instagram is a great tool for sharing your passions with other people and making new friends as well.
There is nothing wrong with staying connected to your community on social media in the information age. As with anything in life, it’s all about how you use a tool that can determine how it will affect you.
Handing out your # is not a big deal anymore
I once believed that giving your number to someone was an extremely private thing to do. It used to be about “scoring” someone’s number, because you had a direct line of communication to someone no one else had. That meant it was extremely special, and you treated a phone number like a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. In that sense, asking a girl for her number was considered making a move on them, or if someone gave you their number that meant they were interested. Times have changed.
We now have instant communication to everyone and anyone we could ever want with unlimited data. Before these times, you weren’t talking to someone every day and staying connected unless you were in a relationship. It’s a completely different world today. We know exactly what everyone is doing at any moment of their lives just by a quick profile search. With caller IDs came the ability to know who was calling, and with smart phones came the ability to block numbers. This has made handing out your contacts much less nerve wracking and easier than ever before. If you walk onto your typical college campus today, chances are you are walking out with phone numbers from at least ten people without even asking. Every single person I encountered invited me and asked me into what is called a “group chat.”
Group chats are the new sock hop or even smoking lounge, where teens and young adults go to blow off steam, crack jokes about the professor, or help with homework. It’s the common way for students to get through college, helping each other out along the way and improving each other’s grades in the process. If you don’t master this technique of understanding how to communicate in group chats, your college experience or even work experience in the office will be a lot more difficult. It is now considered completely casual to go up to people and ask to text them, and after you graduate from college and enter the workforce, it’s completely common to share numbers and enter group chats with your coworkers. With modern safety features this is no longer a privacy issue.
“Texting is how people hang out now. It’s pretty easy to block people (I do that lots) and I would much rather text then see someone in person.” — Cassandra M.
“I met a woman for lunch once and told her I was surprised that she gave me her real number. She responded with “you know there is a blocking feature right?” Get with the times!” — Jason Schuster
It’s also no longer taboo to look up someone’s number online. Most everyone these days has their cell number as public information and out there. Since we no longer have phone books, this is actually the only main way of finding someone’s contacts. Giving out a cell number is viewed more like when you used to give out an email address. It no longer means that someone is making a move on you just because you get their number. If you want to keep it private and still be able to connect with people, you will want to see about getting a business phone. That brings me onto my next subject…
Gen Z does not email!
Emailing a Gen Z’r may be one of the greatest mistakes you could ever make in your life. What is this 1998??
The very first version of what would become known as email was invented in 1965 at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) as part of the university’s Compatible Time-Sharing System, which allowed users to share files and messages on a central disk, or by Shiva depending on who you ask.
It took the world by a storm, and blew up on college campus message boards and offices worldwide. It was the main way of formal and informal long distance communication for a long time before smartphones, unlimited texting, and social media.
Flash forward to the year 2022…
“My kids never sent an email until college. Then I had to walk them through how to email a professor.” — Chrissy Z.
No one emails each other anymore. I had sent two of my college friends letters through email this semester, accomplishing them for completing the school year. I got no reply back but didn’t think anything of it. I decided I should end up texting them instead, and they both replied right away. A few weeks later I had brought up the email in conversation, and to their reply “what email?”
I’m sure email will always be used for the office, but in terms of social interaction and communication between friends and family, that went the wayside a decade ago. Texting is the main form of electronic communication, and many times inside apps themselves. The most popular apps among the Gen Z generation is WhatsApp and Snapchat for its convenience.
Dating is a lot faster paced
This is very important to recognize, because the way people have been dating over the last decade, has changed drastically in comparison to an entire century of established rules. It’s important that we understand the new dating game.
What once took three or four dates to learn the same information about someone (which usually involved meeting the parents at the doorstep), now only takes one date. Relationships not getting past the first date has become entirely more common, and it’s saving a lot of time and frustration.
This goes back to what I was saying about online marketing skills, and having a good online presence. Many people walk into dates already knowing a whole lot about the other person, their expectations, what they are looking for, what they want out of a relationship. Gen Z cuts to the chase and makes decisions incredibly fast in the information age.
Overall there is less “game playing” or “mind games”. Dating app culture has played a role in this. Two people no longer spend as much time getting to know each other because they don’t have to. We are more connected in this era than ever. It’s very likely that before a face-to-face date, the two would have already known their likes and dislikes, their favorite bands, their hobbies, their career, which would take two people months to do before the social media connected era.
This also means that it is increasingly more common for a woman or man to be dating multiple individuals within the same week or at the same time. It’s okay to realize this as long as you adapt to it. The rules of the game have changed. Many are surprised why dates don’t last past the first, and many times this could also be because you bring nothing to the table when it comes to your online presence. Nothing screams red flag in these times than no social media accounts. Get with the times and you will get a date! :)
Another rule that seems to have changed. It used to be considered extremely abnormal if you did not enter a relationship with someone in your same high school grade. From a time period and tradition where you were expected to marry someone before you left high school. With online dating, it’s no longer considered immoral to see 10 year age gaps. 25 year old dating a 32 year olds is not out of the question. Just a few decades ago this would have been a lot more taboo.
Overall I think it is important that we recognize that communication is changing at a rapid pace at the start of the 2020s, and far different from the millennial generation which proceeded before them. Older generations should learn these new tools so they are not left out.
This is how future generations communicate with each other. This is the way you will conduct business in the future. That’s how you will score job interviews. This is how people will go on dates and meet new friends. People used to send each other letters and postcards, and now everything moved onto the internet and everyone should educate themselves on this.
A lot of what was talked about here may seem like common sense, but you would be surprised how common sense is not so common. Not many feel comfortable cold approaching people in public anymore. Meet people online, chat with them, learn their interests and have them learn yours. Give them a message if you are interested (after you have established relations)
Millennials were the first generation to use flip phones, and now we have a new generation growing up to a world of social media. This is something that everyone of all ages needs to adapt to, and I hope some of the information you read here may be of help to you in improving social skills in the modern world.
